New year and questions!

"What is the worst fear in the world?"

"When you know you can be molested or raped any minute"

I was alone in a 24 hours train journey. I was reading about a Dalit woman called Bhanwari Devi who was a government worker to fight child marriages in Rajasthan. Being a victim of child marriage herself, she actively campaigned against the same in her village.

She was gang raped by upper class/caste men in front of her husband for her wrong deeds.

I couldn't continue reading. I tried to sleep but it didn't happen. I thought I would go through the usual ritual of scrolling news feed. But what I read was more than news! My mortal fear increased exponentially every time I read about what had happened to a girl of my age. She might have imagined a beautiful life for her with a family or she might have desired to live alone and live every minute in life. She would have had her own desire, passion, love, goal, aspiration and any normal emotion which all of us have. But those who preyed on her saw nothing in her except her body.

Her body was claimed ownership by mere strangers. She was mutilated, molested, raped and burnt. I could resonate the fear of her, and not just her every woman born with a vagina. I was very frightened since every chai wala, the TTRs, my fellow passengers, house keeping staff, every single soul who was a man on that train looked like a potential rapist to me. I avoided buying food, going to bathroom, talking and even smiling at anyone. I literally shut myself.

Thanks to every one in this world, for giving us the "Growling mortal peril of getting raped", and giving us the constant reassurance that, "Don't worry! It can happen to you anytime dear".

Honestly I have never openly spoken about how I had been molested. Most of the time I go into denial, saying, "It won't happen again. You are more courageous now". But the truth seems different. Every time it happens, the courage somehow ceases to disappear in thin air. It is a hollow scene filled with darkness.

We are given random advices like, "Be brave, fight back, hit them, use pepper spray, carry a knife, learn martial arts, shout for help" and about many more self-defense behaviours. The fear is extremely powerful that it downplays our all other means of resistance, we shut ourselves, curse ourselves for being there and just pray that it ends soon. I don't even want to get started with sexual abuse happening inside homes and families.

I have a few questions to ask for every male in this world,

Have you ever felt uncontrolled about your own body?

How many times do you makes sure you correct your dress for the sake of perverts?

Have you ever been looked at, from top to bottom, as if you were seen naked through your clothes?

How often do you run searching for a crowded place to make sure that you are not being  followed?

Do you know how it feels if a random stranger brushes their body over you when you travel in crowded bus or train?

Have you felt scared to be with a woman in a room alone?

How many times in day that your reminded that you are a male and you have to protect your own BODY?

Have you every asked your sister or mother or girlfriend or your daughter whether they have been molested? Do you think if you are not talking about it, it hasn't happened before?

Have you realised the so called male privilege is making any gender that is not male to be oppressed about their body and mind?

Who do you think is a perpetrator?

How many times you have questioned your own fellow men about their abusive roles?

Do you think punishments can stop rape? And if there are no punishments, are men given the freedom to rape?

Finally the most enlightening answer would be from,

What are the steps to normalise toxic masculinity and blame it on the other genders?

Heartwarming Thanks to every single person upholding patriarchy.

We are successfully stepping into another year of misogynistic, unsafe, scary and fearful year in this men's world!

And here, we means anyone who is not a male!