Being a Woman

"My husband will abandon me if it's a girl again. Please tell me. I ll abort now itself"

When I heard this in Out Patient Department (OPD), I had a sudden flow of adrenaline in my blood, that reflected as red rage in my face. I stopped writing the complaints and stared at her. If I showed anger, maybe she would realise her mistake about her. Once I calmed down after few minutes, I realised the helplessness in her face. She looked expressionless, with no regrets. She couldn't empathize with me. Yes, it was not the other way around, because she had stopped fighting. She had given up so much that she refused to acknowledge the blood and the love she was giving for the baby to grow inside her.
She is an unwelcome visitor, in the womb itself.

"Akka, what baby? It's not a girl no?"

Mother raised this question even before the umbilical cord was cut. I stared at her for a second, when this beautiful angel made her first cry in my hands. One nurse assisted me and two nurses were running around. Every one in the room was a woman including the just born girl. I didn't reply to her question. I again controlled my rage, since I felt her question was unworthy then. I clamped and cut the umbilical cord. I took her to the warmer, wiped her and covered her with a bright blue cloth. She had stopped crying and just stared at me, with absolute calmness. It was a pure bliss to receive her into this world, even in the middle of the night, I thought. I carried her to the mother. The baby was still calm and sucking her thumb. "Look at her, isn't she beautiful?", I asked.
The mother stared at her just born baby girl for a minute. She didn't smile, she didn't speak and but tears went down from her eyes. She told calmly, "Yes. She is beautiful. But my life won't be, anymore."
She is unsuccessful in making her mother happy, from the moment she is born.

"I stopped my studies. I m jealous to see my brothers going to school. But, my parents need a helping hand in the field."

It is a routine question to ask, 'which class you are studying', whenever we see a child. I didn't realise that only the question is routine, but the reality is far from routine, till that day. Her eyes were filled with desire to  learn and grow. But, her rights to study and rights to dream, were snatched away from her even before she could fight for it.
She is an unwelcomed student, even in the place of learning.

"I always wanted to work and pay off my father's debts. That's why I studied well. When I got the job, I was pushed into marriage. Now my husband tells me, 'Your place is in the kitchen, and your work is for the family'. How will I repay my father's debts, which includes marriage expenses also now?. I feel useless."

I wanted to know why she kept coming back with very vague complaints like lack of sleep, lack of appetite and irregular cycles. She was not even an illiterate. Her hands were tied, though she was capable of being independent. I was wondering, in what way I could treat her!
She is caged, if she tries to be independent.

"He hits me everytime he drinks. My mother in law supports him. My 3 year old son is already hates his father.  I don't know what to do. I don't have the guts to leave him"

She is a regular visitor. I made out, in the first visit itself that, she comes only to talk and cry. I m helpless medically in relieving her problems. The only reassurance I can give her, is by being a passive listener. I hold her hand and sit with her and don't interrupt her when she talks. I tried talking to her husband, but he was already addicted. I always look through her eyes, and long to see a moment of relief from her worries. But everytime she comes, it's the same grief. Of abuse and  pain.
She cannot escape abuse. She gets broken more and more, everytime.

"Akka, I m pregnant. I don't want a girl. She shouldn't suffer like me for being a woman"
We are pretty successful as a society ,to make her believe that she is worthless and helpless and she is born to suffer. I stopped giving legal advice about anything. Because it doesn't matter to her. Her struggle through life had made her come to this decision. I also prayed with her, that it shouldn't be a girl child. That's what listening to these women taught me.
They are made to feel less and less about themselves.

There are thousands of stories like for women in everyday life and they face it, just for "being a woman".

Independence, equal rights, aspiration, rebel, support, love, empathy, tender loving care, liberation, passion, ambition and many more normal human rights are far from reach for women, just for "being women".

And when women breaks all these barriers and come out of home, they get to face the monstrous problems of patriarchal society. The story goes on forever.

I hope in near future atleast, women are respected for being humans and not labelled for the gender they belong to.

Because, even today, violence against woman begins, even before she is born.